Happy is Sad =(

Or nervous actually. Talagang paliit ng paliit na talaga ang net world. No thanks to my big mouth (and no, i'm not inserting a gay joke here), a personal friend found out na ako ang awtor ng blog na 'to. Argh! I'm so tanga! Hindi ako naging careful. Dapat talaga hindi ako nag post ng mga personal na bagay dito eh. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Of course the similarities are obvious. Kung anuman ang pinost ko dyan sa baba, na post ko na rin yan sa other blog ko (which I also call the pa-serious pa-artsy fartsy blog). Hay. Had no idea matagal na pala syang naglulurk dito and one plus one equals a text message saying "i enjoy reading your blogs (even the happy and gay blog)..." Whew!

This is just making me uncomfy. See, while I'm OUT to my college friends and workmates, I haven't really fully "outed" myself to my high school and elementary friends. Of course I know they know pero I just don't want to make a big deal of my sexuality. Never akong nagkaroon ng isyung ganon eh. I think kasi na kaya nagkakaroon ng sexual discrimination kasi we stereotype or brand ourselves as gays. And as gays, sometimes we tend to act (unconsciously or consciously) as to what's expected of us. Pero hindi ako ganon. Hindi ako nagbibiro when I say I'm wholesome. I don't sleep around. And i'm still conservative. Kaya lang when a gay acts like that, other people will judge kaagad na aaaah, repressed lang siya, hindi pa talaga sya comfortable with his own skin, yadda yadda yadda! And immediately think na just because I'm gay, I'm going to scream and feel kilig everytime I see someone pogi or something. And will always talk of gay topics. Or kung hindi naman ganon, at the back of their minds think na konting push lang siguro nyan, maglalandi na yan for sure! Aaaaah!

Of course, kung ibi-base naman sa content ng blog na to, ganon na nga siguro ang iisipin ng iba! Basahin at tingnan nyo naman! Puro kalandian 'tong mga nandito! :D Nasa-shatter ko ba ang gay stereotypes sa mga kalandiang pinagsusulat ko dito?! Shempre hindeh!

I'm just feeling jittery because now that I know that somebody whom I personally know knows that I write here, magiging conscious na ako sa pagsusulat ko. (Long sentence yun ah). Baka hindi na 'to magiging free form. Baka magsi self-censor na ako! Aaaah! I'm nervous!!!! Of course, she said it's a secret (and I trust her naman) pero I don't know, I'm still nervous thinking na baka dadami pang kakilala ko ang makakapagbasa nito. =( When I started this kasi, outlet lang naman talaga to eh.

Nagkapatong patong lang siguro. Just kanina, my sister invited me to accept her Friendster invite. What's next? My parents knowing that their only son is gay?!